Supporting a bereaved child on Father's Day
Whether it’s their first Father’s Day as a bereaved child, or they are further along in their grief journey, Father’s Day can be a difficult day for children, young people and their families. A Father’s Day without a father is a very upsetting experience. Any occasion that invites us to celebrate is challenging and the constant reminder that someone is no longer here brings grief back to the surface and heightens our emotions.
Every child will follow a different journey through grief, but it is important to allow them a voice, particularly at challenging times such as significant days, and reassure them that their special person hasn’t been forgotten.
We have put together some thoughts as the day approaches:
You'd don’t have to suppress your sorrow or your memories. Feel your emotions, show them, talk about them, acknowledge them and allow children to do the same. Letting out your emotions and having a good cry can help to release the pressure of feeling that you have to be ok. It can sometimes be useful to put your feelings into words, perhaps by writing a card or a letter, which might be an activity you want to do as a family. It can be wonderful to still buy or make a Father’s Day card and display it.
Significant days can trigger you in a lot of ways, sometimes unexpectedly. Adverts on the television, the greeting card aisle, clothes shops, sometimes it feels like it is impossible to escape reminders of the upcoming day and the pressures that come with it, and this can cause both you and your children pain.
Social media scrolling, browsing the online shopping pages, it is all too easy for the day to be brought to our attention. There is a huge amount that you can do to try and avoid these triggers, but be mindful of what might still be able to creep in and protect yourself from it however you wish to. Some companies helpfully send emails asking if you would like to opt out of campaigns which is very thoughtful, but remember there are other ways you can choose to opt out by muting accounts which may trigger you in the coming days or thinking carefully about the places you visit and what you may be exposed to.
You may want to talk to your child’s school or nursery about what they will be doing in the lead up to Father’s Day. Talk openly and honestly with your child about what the school have planned and encourage them to share how they feel about it. Talk to the teachers about the possibility of opting out of activities if your child wishes to or about the support which will be offered if your child does wish to take part.
Put yourself and your family's needs first. Don’t put any pressure on yourself to do anything you don’t want to do. Make sure you have specific plans for the day for you and your family. Spend time as a family talking about what you would like to do on the day and make a plan, however simple.
Father’s Day can be a wonderful time to remember and to make new memories. There are so many ways in which you can do something in memory of someone who is no longer here. Baking a favourite cake, watching a favourite film, looking at photographs, it doesn’t have to be a big event, it can be something small and still be very significant. Planting bulbs, visiting a favourite place, going for a picnic or to a favourite restaurant, or even just cooking his favourite meal.
Create new traditions together as a family. It is important to remember on days such as these that although it may feel like it sometimes, you are not alone in what you are going through. Support one another and reach out for help from family and friends if you need it. It's ok not to be ok and we are thinking of you all.
